Uuuuuuuuuuh. UH! .___.

It's exam week and I am exhausted/stressed/anxious/any other adjective that describes the pure chaos that is exam week.

Right now, I should be writing both a feature story on H1N1 for the school yearbook and a column on... something. Both things have to be written and laid out by tomorrow or not only will I get a big, fat 0 on my exam, but also let down the school year by omitting the impact swine flu has had on it. The idea is TERRIFYING, that I'm writing something so significant. It makes me flinch away and procrastinate, as I'm doing now. D8

Did I really say I wanted to be a journalist? Oh, the stress, the responsibility! Journalists have the media in their hands; They chose what is news and what is not, what gets shown to the public and what doesn't-- therefore, they have society in their grasp. Tightly. It's one of the things that is all too alluring about journalism, but also what makes it so fearful.

Ah, OK. Now I'm scaring myself. *deep breath* It's not a big deal. It's just the yearbook...

Thank God I get out of school tomorrow at 11 for the weekend or I might just freak myself out!

Aw, shucks! I also need to talk to the guidance counselor about allowing me to take Fitness and Conditioning next trimester. They didn't allow me at first because of my E.D. Um, do I look too thin to do exercise? Not even close. If anything, I'm overweight. *shudders* So I'll talk to the counselor about that. If the bitch she needs proof that I'm doing better, I'll just have her call up my E.D. therapist. I'm sure he'll allow me to.

Aaaaaand, everyone wait: 「IMMORTAL」tracklist rant coming up tomorrow.

EDIT: Found this awesome bit of advice while researching for my feature story: Avoid sneezing or coughing into your hands; instead use the bend of your elbow and dispose of it properly.
'SCUSE ME AS I GOT CUT OFF MY ARM. 8D

My favorite poet, aside from Sylvia Plath.



I have no words. She's said it all.

I made this over a year ago. Only now have I taken a picture of it. Though, I've been meaning to.
If I don't say so myself, I think it looks more like Karyu than the one he made of himself. XD



Oh, and that's me in the background, being a creep.
...yeah.

I am SO sending this to him via FC comment. If only I could figure out how to post the picture directly.
/technology fail.

I just found out the most embarrassing thing yesterday.

When I was 12, I used to read the Vampire Kisses Series. By no means do I read them now, but I really used to like them. In the story, the main character, Raven, is a gothic chick who lives in the boring, nothing-to-do town of Dullsville.

Well, as I just found out yesterday, Ellen Schreiber, the author, lives in my town.
So the Dullsville she talks about so much-- yup, it's my town.

... Wow. So, for every girl who has ever read Vampire Kisses, and said the town lived in is Dullsville-- well, I'll have you know that mine is the true Dullsville. Go me. XD

Oh, and a sorta-semi friend of mine is her next door neighbor. That's pretty spiffy. Apparently she wore braids with fake spider and webs for Halloween.

/stalker.

Another great aspect of or little town of Dullsville is the racism. Oh, yes. Some asshole sophomores spat in a black kids face, called him the n-word, and drove around with confederate flags on their redneck trucks. Because my school is classy like that. It made such a big commotion (as it should), that we now have both an anti-racism and non-violent, pro-diversity group, one of which I joined. Friday was apparently a "black-out" day, in which everyone was supposed to wear black to show acceptance of all nationalities. Not many people wore black, although Mohamed Mohamed, the only Middle-Eastern kid in our school, wore a T-shirt that said a pro-nationalities phrase.

To another subject: I saw Paranormal Activity. It SUCKED. Although the concept itself is scary, the movie didn't capture the terror that those with possession must feel. So overall, the movie flopped. So if you're going to see it, DON'T. Waste of money.

:( My other kitty, Madeline got hurt the other day. She tore a ligament in her leg and has to get surgery. Dang, these cats are just throwing themselves in front of cars, now!

Aaaaaand, that's all I have to say. Except, I did have a D'espairsRay-related dream the other night. They came to the U.S., and were about to start the concert, but I had to pee, so I went to the potty. But then I heard in vain starting, so I ran to the front row to do the furisuke. Beside me, doing the furi perfectly and singing along was that male Mania that is in all the live DVDs, and I was like, "You rock, dude! You rock." That's pretty much it. Waaaay better than the dream were Karyu had a hangover and HIZUMI was still sick and tomandakaulitzdidn't want to be on the front row and I was like, "WTF is wrong with you?!"

/end.

About half a year ago, my mom read something to me on the "End of Times".  I think it's in the Book of Revelations, but I'm not sure.  It got me thinking...

The scripture said that when the end comes, there will be things going on outside that we are not to see.  Terrible things.  We are to cover the widows with paper and board everything up.  We are not to look outside, turn on electronics of any sort, or lights-- except Holy Candles-- or we will die.  Thou may not eat nor drink, for thy nourishment has been tainted.  We are to sit and do nothing but pray.  The script says that more people will die of looking outside on one night at this time than in all the World Wars put together.

That is terrifying.

Even if it's not true, the thought is pretty frightening.  My house is covered in HUGE windows.  Walking around it, how could you not look out of them, even if they're covered up?  Especially knowing that something is going on outside.  How can you resist a curiosity so heavy?  Is it curiosity, or is it temptation, that desire to know what is happening?  Does one look outside to see what is going on simply out of innocent curiosity?  Is it greed or pride, looking, thinking you are larger than the destruction of mankind and, essentially, God himself?

I don't know.

Would you look outside, knowing it would mean your demise, if the searing need for the truth became unbearable?  Or would you sit and pray, hoping to see the light again?  And what is that truth?  Could it be something so horrific and disheartening that the human spirit cannot withstand the despair?  What if it's the raw power of God, so mighty and powerful that the mere sight turns you into a pillar of salt? Like Lot's wife in the destruction of Sodom.

I feel like I shouldn't even be thinking about this, like I should focus on now.  The weight of wondering-- of not knowing-- is heavy.  But then, who are we to think that we, as humans, deserve the truth-- deserve to know what only God knows?  We don't.

To contemplate something so grand is dizzying.  It's like when you try to understand the physics of the universe, the concept of a black hole.  But at least with that, it is (if only ephemerally) tangible.  It isn't our place to try to figure out when the end will be.  What we need to focus on now, as living, human creatures that are on this planet now, is how to make this world and ourselves the best we can.  We can't prevent the end, but we can decide whether to be kind to someone now, up until the moment that the end does come, so we don't have to worry, don't have to regret.  And what an awful shame it would be if we didn't try.  The inevitable end will come and mankind will have nothing good to show for it's last moments of existence.  

Anyway...  I don't know why I'm saying all this stuff.  I guess because of my dream lat night, where there were aliens who were afraid of rainbows trying to destroy Earth. That, and I'm SO TIRED of hearing all this junk about 2012!  It's so ANNOYING!   D:<
 

Having a "core heart".
Believin' in myself.
I don't fear.
I keep on praying.
I will crush the wall.
I will go ahead.
I will not care even if the world ends here.

There's 3 sides of men, and I've been expiriencing them all.

1)  Horny:  There's a dude in one of my classes who is, like... flirt-o-rama.  I am not used to guys flirting with me, AT ALL.  Especially not popular, hot, upperclassman.  It's clear, though, that he just wants to get in someone's pantalones, and it just happnes to be me who sits next to him.  Hurrr.  -____-  I'd be pissed if he wasn't so attractive.

2)  Pitiful Needy:  I got a note today in my locker that says, "I love you.  Will you ever go out with me?"
/LOL.  I'm pretty sure it's from my friend, AJ, who gets a crush on any girl who's nice to him.  Poor fellow.  I don't know what to say to him.  I want to say, "Karyu.Karyu.Karyu.Karyu.Karyu.Karyu.Karyu.Karyu," but, ouch!-- to be upped by someone I've only met once IRL.  Harsh, yo.  The other day he came into my class and I shouted, "AJ!  My 2nd favorite over-6-foot guy!"  And he was like, "Who's the first? *pouty face*" and I was like, "KAAAAAARYUUUUUUUUUU!!  <33 *starts talking about D'espairsRay*"

3)  Asswipe:  There's a bratty little underclassman in my math class who is such a DICK I could just STRANGLE him.  Today, he was bugging the girl next to me, and I told her that her face was as red as a tomato.  Then I decided to be mean to the dude, so I changed "Tomato" to "As red as that guys pimples."  He got so pissed that he threw all the books off of my desk onto the floor and called me an ass, which sent me into a fit of laughter.  Men are such babies;  As soon as something doesn't go their way, the flip out. 


My favorite word is "ass" today.  
Oh!  And in Journalism today, we got to mess around with an audio program.  I spent the entire class bleeping out random words I said to make it sound dirty.  I am being productive.

I miss my kitty.  T___T 

I had to put my kitty to sleep today.  He's my wittle boy.  I ruv him soooooo much!  He's OK, though.  Maybe God can teach him to actually poo in the litterbox, now, instead of 3 cenemeters away.

1)  Someone has to be shitting me.  Seriously.

D'espairsRay's new live DVD.  It's 100000yen. 

Ooookay.  I love D'espairsRay, but this is ridiculous.  What the hell is going to be on that thing to make it so expensive?  Yeah, I'll pay it, but Ga-HEEZ!  I've never had a problem paying any amount for anything D'espairsRay related *is the girl who drove illegally in a blizzard to see them*, but something other than just the DVD and poster better come with it-- like a life-size Karyu doll.  Aside from that, I am so freaking excited for 月の記憶 -fallen- and Tainted World aaaaand...  I can't see Japanese characters on my computer anymore.  Eh!  What am I going to do about that???   D:)


2)  Sorry, Karyu, but a new vampire just found their way into my heart:

HURRY THE POOP UP AND SEND ME MY GOSHDAMN COPIES OF FINAL CALL ALREADY! 
It's been four weeks (well, it will be in 4 hours...).
I'm lonely here without them!    T___T
So if you don't send me my copies, I'm gonna... I'm gonna... 
...I'm too sad too think of anything mean to do-- but trust me, it'll be super mean!  And you'll regret torturing me in this way!

 
       Yours begrudgingly,
                                    Michelle


P.S.  Thank you for already having the new D'espairsRay live DVD and "Best of" album up for pre-sale, release date December 16.  You're the best!  ♥  (Not-so-subtle note to all Mania)


In other news!  I have my computer fully fixed!  For now, I'll keep paradox_147up incase something shitty happens again where I can't use this journal.  However, I may delete it in the next couple weeks.  I dunno.


Also, I already posted it on paradox_147, but I'll do it again on here because I can.
( My D'espa FC ID! :D  )

It's really nice, especially Muku's lovely camera reflection on it.   XDD  I can't wait to get it.  Should be soon, unless shipping wants to poopy for this, also.


That's it, for now.  Wow!  I haven't posted on this journal since August 23 (excluding my last post)!  You think I'd have more to say, but... nope!  ^__^

A computer virus.     -____-U

In case any one has noticed (and I'm sure someone has, since their f-page isn't spammed-up by moi), I haven't posted in ages.
I have a computer virus.  In fact, I managed to get it on all 3 computers in the household, just by logging onto this journal.
Yep.    Everytime I logged into michiko147 , a virus infected the computer I was using.  Therefore, I haven't been on  in months.  Months.

It's been... not fun.  Why?  Because of this:
  -Without a computer, I wasn't able to pre-order FINAL CALL, which means I don't have ANY copies yet.   :____:
  -No D'espairsRay updates, no translations.
  -No [un]Beautiful.  I've only been a member for a month and have barely been on it.     D:
  -Taking journalism, where you need to type up a crapton of stories, and not having a computer to do it with, is difficult.
  -My math teacher is making us do weekly online math problems.  I've done two out of 4 weeks.  That's two 0's.
  -I can't do research for Bio Diversity.
  -Rainy days+ no homeowrk+ nothing on TV+ writers' block+ no one home=WTF IS THERE TO DO IN THIS HOUSE?!
  -My dictionary is super outdated, and I want to look some words up.
  -I CAN'T SPAM ANYONE'S F-PAGE!       T____T

I'm actually taking a big risk getting on to post this, considering I'm on my sister's computer for university, and I really don't want to give it a  virus.  Even when I do manage to sneak online at school, I'm really wary of what sites I get onto.  But I'm pretty positive it's this journal that's given me a virus, so I've made a new one that I'll use until I get my own computer fixed (who knows when the pooper that's going to be).  My new journal is paradox_147 .

...what?  I couldn't think of anything.  >////<
So, add if you'd like.  :D

That is all.

SPAMITTYSPAMSPAM.

OK.  So I'm a member of lol_anaz , a website dedicated to bashing and mocking the wannarexics (i.e. people who want to be *~~ana4promz~~*) who get in the way of people with, y'know... actual problems.

Yeah.  So anyway.  Some chick on another community, where all the wannaz swarm at, asked "Anyone doing the ABC diet?" (otherwise known as Ana Boot Camp, originally a diet made my real anorexics to mock the wannaz.  No one can get past day, like.. 4 of it, so if you're thinking about it, don't even try.)  Someone on lol_anaz replied with, "I'm currently on the LMNOP."
Then, the chick who asked about ABC said, "hmm? Whats that?" and the other chick said "My favorite section of the alphabet."

Freaking LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZ.

I think I just died.  If you don't think that was the most hilarious thing ever, then GTFO.  Now.


/end spam.  
  

MY SISSY IS BACK!

And she brought back the goods.  I mean, SRSLY brought back the goods.  She bought me a shitload of stuff from Europe... like, MOOMIN STUFF!  :DDD  I love Moomin!  For those who don't know, it's a Finish cartoon about these Hippo-like trolls that live in the peaceful land of Moomin Valley, were mostly everyone gets along and are very polite and kind and I wuv them very much.   ( Picture of 'em, if you're interested )
Anyway, she also brought an obscene amount of chocolate back.  ...yeah.  I'm staying away from that shit even though I really want it.  She honestly went all-out on this souvenir business.  I cringe at the thought of even vaguely knowing how much it all cost. 

Along with that, she also brought back a terribly large dose of sorrow.  She had to say goodbye to her boyfriend, Sebastian, which sucks major iron balls (he lives in Germany).  I feel so bad for her, because she really likes him.  They're cute together.  ;___;  *sister wangst*  I've been trying to make her feel better by saying an amount of lame jokes almost as obscene as all the chocolate in the kitchen.  It helps that I'm so freaking manic hyper.

I've been cleaning/organizing my desk all day.  OMG.  I needed an internet break like a smoker needs a nicotine break (no, kalt_und_allein , this is not a reference to you.)  I've been like a ricocheting off the walls like a neutron since I woke up.  Only now that I started typing this, did I realize how completely exhausted I am.  I guess no food+cleaning+school anxiety+relief that my sister is back does that to me.  I just wanna go to bed, but I have so much to do still.  *sighs loudly* 

I was also ridiculously hyper last night at 4 am.  I was in my room, reading, when I suddenly decided that going to sleep without a D'espairsRay poster on my wall would simply not do.  So I grabbed the BRILLIANT poster and tried to get it on my wall just right.  It took about and hour and a half until I said "Screw it, it's fine!" and went to bed.  I woke up several times with a big, wide grin on my face with the knowledge that a large picture of D'espairsRay was looking over me.  Have I been creepy much?  Anyhoo~ the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was fix it.   D:

Now, to end the spammination of my friends f-page, I ask this:  I wrote a chapter of Slipping Between My Fingers quite a while ago, and was wondering whether any of you are interested in reading it, or something.  Are you?  
...boy, will I ever feel stupid if no one responds to it.   XDD 

I suddenly miss RENTRER EN SOI very, very much. 
GAWD, I need to get out of these strange moods.   D:

WELL.

My mom and Aunt Jaana just got into a phone fight.  It was about how my aunt always plans things 8 million days in advance, and never EVER changes her schedule for my family, yet we always do to fit hers.  It's annoying, really, and my mom said that.  My aunt BLEW UP.  It's kind of funny. 

There's always this strange tension between the two.  I think it's because they're so different.  Mom is calm, laid-back, and flexible and patient.  My aunt, on the other hand, is uptight, naggy, VERY inflexible.  She'll pretty much nag you up the butt to make everything seem perfect.  I think it's natural that the two different personality types are at war.  In fact, as I previously said to tomandakaulitz , I'm a combination of both, and am at constant war with myself.  Thus the eating disorder.

And tomorrow's my birthday party.  GAWD, I hate parties, but my mom really wanted me to have one.  Things are going to be soooo awkward.   D8  Like the Thanksgiving where my eating disorder had just come to the attention of my family and my aunt and mom scream-fought over how to deal with the situation (Mom:  She has to decide that she's had enough with it and wants help!  It won't work any other way!  Aunt Jaana:  Force feed her!  That's all there is to it!  My cousins and I listening while hidden behind the stairs:   0___0) 
...Yup.  This will be loads fun.  Oh, the drama!

And to my friends who were wondering if I'm having a birthday party with friends:  Unfortunately, no.  I'm currently too embarrassed by my fatness to be seen my anyone other than my family.  Sorry I'm such a screw-up.

And thus ends my post about RL, which no one cares to read.   :D

Well, my mom and I have been redocorating my room for, oh... about that last two years.
We're FINALLY getting somewhere now.  Last August we painted my wall purple.  And this morning, the floor design people came and put down the black & white checkered vinyl floor I've been wanting. 
Mom claims that I got the "D'espairsRay checkered floor".  True, it seems that all the members have this in their homes, but it's not why I got it, dangit!  We may or may not just happen to share similar taste where flooring is concerned.  So sue me.  :p

We started running out of paint and could put the second coat on the floor boards before the floor dudes came.  Oops.  XD

My cousins, Ashley and Caitlin, and I played checkers on the floor with manga.  I lost.  ;___;


/end actual post about RL that everyone will ignore and not comment.  Jerks.
BTW, OMG.  Look at the song I'm listening to.   D8